POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING FOR ANXIETY/DEPRESSION/ANOREXIA
I've been running British Mermaid for three years now - you've all become familar with my style, absorbed my sense of humour and seen my personality. But there's a big part of my life that I've never actually addressed on here, despite it hugely affecting my blogging and the absences that I often take from posting. I see every page and account that I own online as a safe space to discuss social issues and British Mermaid, despite being primarily a fashion blog, as no exception to this rule. So today, reader, I'm going to tell you about my mental health.
Mental health problems have affected me for the majority of my life, from what my memory serves me, and to be honest? They may affect me forever. I can pinpoint a few specific milestones in my growing up - the tightness and numbness in my chest that would strike me every morning before attending school for around 8 years; throwing away half my dinner aged 15 as I worried why my boyfriend at the time wouldn't talk to me; being forced to doctors appointments by my heartbroken mother; not leaving the house or getting dressed for a week because I felt too low to. These feelings are still with me. If I eat a single chocolate I will over analyse this in my head for hours on end. I'll check my body countless times in a day to see if my thighs are slimmer or my stomach flatter. Most mornings will be a struggle to put on makeup and leave the house to go to an hour long seminar.
You may be thinking to yourself, "okay Cara but what is the point of this post?" and if you are then I'm glad you asked. If you feel uncomfortable by this post, then I want to challenge this with my own question. Why? Why is it such a taboo still to discuss mental health? This blog was created to share my personality and my style, and my mental health is a huge part of me. To be truly open and honest with my readers I want you all to know about this aspect of my life and to realise that it's OKAY to share these parts of yours. No one should feel that they have to hide who they are - even the parts that society doesn't approve of. I've lost followers on Twitter for openly discussing my struggles with eating disorders and anxiety, and I used to really care. Was I bumming people out? But my mental health is who I am, and I love social media as a tool to express myself. Every single piece of myself.
I'm glad I could share this with you. I'm Cara, I'm 20 and this is who I am. And that's okay. We're all okay. xo